Lagusan

Nasa loob tayo ngayon ng isang napakahabang lagusan

madilim, makipot,

mahirap huminga

nakakapuot –

malamig na hangin ang pumupulupot sa ating

mga balikat, malalayo ang ating mga daliri,

malalayo ang ating mga binti, malalayo ang ating mga sarili walang ibang malapit kundi

katahimikan –

nakakabingi, nakakasuka, nakakabaliw

Bakit nariyan ka sa kabilang dulo?

Nakatalikod. Dumudungaw sa liwanag

Samantalang, heto ako, nakatitig – isinasaulo -nang bawat linya at kurba ng iyong silweta

Napapaisip kung nararamdaman mo ba,

kung nagsisitindigan ba ang iyong mga balahibo?

kung may nararamdaman ka pa ba – Naalala ko noong namamasyal ang ating mga labi sa iba’t-ibang lugar ng pasikreto, mga bulong na nagdadala ng maiinit na hininga,mga yakap na nagpapakalma sa pusong pagod, pusong kapos at pusong nag-iisa

Naiintindihan mo ba ang mga sinasabi ko? Nakikinig ka ba? hindi ito katulad ng dati! Hindi maaring ganito tayo, na para bang lahat ng bagay ay nasa kaayusan, na ang langit at ang lupa ay magkaibang daigdig pa, na para bang walang bulkang nagaalburuto sa kailaliman ng ating pagkatao, sa ating relasyon, ilang kahon na ng sigarilyo ang kailangan mong sindihan nilang kasa ng alak nang kailangan kong laklakin bago mo idura sa mundo ang katotohanan Katotohanan? Ani mo, isang nagyeyelong gabi sa tabi ng kalsada

Anong pinagsasabi mo? Hindi mo ako maintindihan. Hindi mo ako naiintindihan. Hindi mo ako iniintindi.

Putang ina. Pagod na akong habulin ka palabas ng humahabang lagusan na ito na ni minsan hindi ako nakalapit para hawakan yang mga kamay mo

Dugo’t pawis ang tumitibok sa mga tenga ko, nabibingi sa mga palusot mo

Nalilitong mga luha at makipot na lalamunan sa tuwing papalampasin mo ang araw ng walang halik sa noo

Ano pa ba ang gusto mo saakin? Pa ang itatanong mo at iinit ang ulo ko

Oo nga, ano pa nga ba ang gusto ko? Ano pa nga ba ang kailangan ko sayo?

Nung isang buwan pa ito pero hanggang ngayon hindi ko parin masambit, nagpapasensya nanaman akong muli, dahil Mahal, mahal kita… Simple at direkta, kaya nagagawa kong pagtiyagan ang distansya sa kadahilanang mahal na mahal kita. pero Mahal, tao din ako. Mahal, pagod na rin akong mahalin ka. Mahal, hindi ko na kayang ako lang ang nagmamahal sa ating dalawa. Mahal, ubos na ubos na ako na naipangutang ko na ang aking kaluluwa. Mahal, naiiintindihan mo ba? Mahal, ayoko na dito sa dilim, palabasin mo na ako sa lagusang ito.

The Council of Meaning

We have walked the universe for more than a thousand years. We have seen humans worship so many things, from fake idols to imaginary gods, seeking to find infinity within their finite and meaningless lives. Carving out mementos of themselves and ravaging nature for personal gain. Nevermind the destruction of everything as long as their objectives are met. Narcissistic bastards. They do not realize the joke’s on them. Life on earth is meaningless. Meaningless to us who are nowhere and everywhere at all times, meaningless in its meaninglessness. And yet, clueless as they are, thinking that they can create meaning from the meaninglessness of our creations.
How petty. A man pursuing a woman who doesn’t even want him.
Yes, petty. So, petty.

A friend betraying a friend.

Disgusting. So, disgusting.

A father’s earthly wiles of infidelity.

Ungrateful. So, so ungrateful.

Have they lost their way?

Surely, they can find it again. We have created them to be resilient.

Unlikely.

Very unlikely.

Pity.

What is this new god they worship? It seems to take longer to shift into a new form.

Ah, money? They think it is the answer to all their prayers.

Hah! Prayers. What are they for when life is meaningless?

Evil humans.

Stupid humans.

Maybe they think that way because we haven’t been hearing prayers.

That’s an outrageous thing to say.

Are you saying their meaninglessness is our fault?

Us? At fault of the suffering of the world?

Silence! We are not at fault. We are the weavers of meaningless life. And meaninglessness is nowhere the divide of good and evil. We are beyond the divide.

Meaninglessness is also everywhere in the divide of good and evil. It’s the essence of all pursuits.

A good point.

We agree.

Yes. Everywhere and nowhere. Yes. Yes. We are meaning and yet we are meaningless as well.

Brushed

Maybe you were brought together
to brush each other in the right direction…
but that’s it –

a brush, a light shove, a great stroke
You weren’t meant to stick on each other’s canvas,
you were just tools used to lick colors from palettes and
slather it on surfaces until you created the mess you needed
to part

Shitty Sparks

​You’re looking for the sparks?

Oh, they disappeared long ago…right when both of you were busy with your individual worlds. She, with her late night shifts at the office. He, with his out-of-town business meetings that never seem to miss a weekend.

They tried to bring you together, you know.

You know. During the cloudy days when the rain would burst like a million water-balloons. They were lightning whizzing the streets, in search for the cab that got you stuck in bad traffic – always bad traffic – trying to pry your folded hands to pick up your phones and call the other.
To tell them…

To tell them what?

That I’m not in love with you anymore?