Oras

Kailangan ko ng oras –

Hindi para isipin kung ayaw ko na,
Hindi para isipin kung papaano ko sila matatakasan
Kung hindi para maghanap

ng damdamin mula sa mundo,
ng damdamin na iuukit ko sa’king papel,
ng aking sarili na hanggang ngayo’y nawawala pa rin sa aklat na hindi ko pa naisusulat

Advertisements

HILING

Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako natutong humiling,
noong unang ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata ng maghigpit,
kapit kamay, hagkan ang puso at hinto sa paghinga –

Humiling na sana magkaroon ako ng bahay para sa aking Manika,
bagong damit at tsaka kaibigan din nito –

Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako huminto,
Pinagtatawanan na lamang ang dasal at mahika na para bang
hindi ako naging bata,
Sa pang-araw araw na para akong nauupos na posporo dahil
ipinaubaya ko na ang aking kaluluwa

Hiling ko sana’y magpahinga, huminga,
makiramdam at nang magmahal muli

OUR SPACE

You and I occupy different orbits that run clockwise and counter,
meeting only after a weekly revolution
or when the weather is nice enough that we cheat the course
and find ourselves saying “Hello” within those small windows of
crossing
The planets giggle at our sporadic alignment as asteroids fly by to run
interference
yet we sprout brighter and hotter than any star in the system
a constant constellation to look forward to —

No More

There will always be walls and walls of you that cannot be tapered down by wrecking balls or jackhammers –
An elaborate labyrinth has hedged you from the rest of the world, never to see the sunrise nor the sunset
You travel it desperately with the sins of those who never gave a damn
and pushed away the prying hands of those who knew the pearl within the clam

There are no winners in this argument

Relapse

I don’t want to die.

I don’t want to live either.

These state of minds wander aimlessly in the labyrinthine corridors of my mind. They come and they go, sometimes disguising as the will to live and be better, to overcome the soul-sucking experience of the now and then I am convinced that I am okay, that I am better, that the dark part of my brain has been illuminated and I can go on with wherever fate the world decides for me. And yet here I am again, in the dark, in the place where I am considered unappreciative and ungrateful and all the things I know I cannot control. I wish to see the world in a different light, to believe in the words that I say, to live…live and be willing to accept failure, criticism, concern, love, anything to fill this void, this bottomless pit I keep falling into.

SuperNova

In this vast galaxy powdered with glitter,
(each more bizarre than the other)
two lone stars drifted too close,
fluttering amicably as planets and moons pass them by –
shyly gleaming in the clouds or
slyly glinting sparks to the Sun:
destined to fall out of orbit whizzing to detonate a
supernova…

When

I am afraid of matchsticks burning my fingers
or elevator doors slicing me in half
I am terrified of kissing you for the last time in a day
or waking up realizing you no longer love me
I am frightened of the future, of what tale it would hold, if it’d still be you and me
or just… me
I am petrified of these thoughts, of these dreams, of these fears that latch when I look into your eyes
and catch all this warmth and not know what to do if they disappear, when –