Disposable.

You belong on a canvas of sand castles, sapphire oceans and the bruising sunshine.
You belong on an expedition to a new world, out the comforts of a four-walled workplace.
You belong in the open, in the arms of freedom and all its’ glory
and you will thrive — with or without me. You will thrive.

 

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And just like that —

you have become someone who was
a soul that transcended into a ghost
unfaltering in his haunting of this world, moving on from places to people to people to places
lost — a mirage receding to ordinary
disappearing from the limelight, rippling into something to nothing to something to nothing to something to —

Counter and Clockwise

Two second-hands living in the same Big Ben
counter and clockwise beat together in a similar rhythm on opposing schedules of the day
she breaks her fast at around 8am, syncing with his injestion of supper and she collapses at midnight just as he reboots for the night shift
though they spend most of the ticks and tocks in varying angles
It was agreed upon that they meet on the sixth –
Definitely on the sixth of the week
to reconcile and kindle… caressing those can’t-be-helped blank spaces where fragments should have been

HILING

Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako natutong humiling,
noong unang ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata ng maghigpit,
kapit kamay, hagkan ang puso at hinto sa paghinga –

Humiling na sana magkaroon ako ng bahay para sa aking Manika,
bagong damit at tsaka kaibigan din nito –

Hindi ko alam kung kailan ako huminto,
Pinagtatawanan na lamang ang dasal at mahika na para bang
hindi ako naging bata,
Sa pang-araw araw na para akong nauupos na posporo dahil
ipinaubaya ko na ang aking kaluluwa

Hiling ko sana’y magpahinga, huminga,
makiramdam at nang magmahal muli

OUR SPACE

You and I occupy different orbits that run clockwise and counter,
meeting only after a weekly revolution
or when the weather is nice enough that we cheat the course
and find ourselves saying “Hello” within those small windows of
crossing
The planets giggle at our sporadic alignment as asteroids fly by to run
interference
yet we sprout brighter and hotter than any star in the system
a constant constellation to look forward to —

No More

There will always be walls and walls of you that cannot be tapered down by wrecking balls or jackhammers –
An elaborate labyrinth has hedged you from the rest of the world, never to see the sunrise nor the sunset
You travel it desperately with the sins of those who never gave a damn
and pushed away the prying hands of those who knew the pearl within the clam

There are no winners in this argument

Relapse

I don’t want to die.

I don’t want to live either.

These state of minds wander aimlessly in the labyrinthine corridors of my mind. They come and they go, sometimes disguising as the will to live and be better, to overcome the soul-sucking experience of the now and then I am convinced that I am okay, that I am better, that the dark part of my brain has been illuminated and I can go on with wherever fate the world decides for me. And yet here I am again, in the dark, in the place where I am considered unappreciative and ungrateful and all the things I know I cannot control. I wish to see the world in a different light, to believe in the words that I say, to live…live and be willing to accept failure, criticism, concern, love, anything to fill this void, this bottomless pit I keep falling into.